Sunday, 8 February 2009


"Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe i was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe i was just a girl...interrupted."
"Explain what? Explain to a doctor that the laws of physics can be suspended? That what goes up may not come down? Explain that time can move backwards and forwards and now to then and back again...and you can't control it?"
"Where is Lisa? Where the fuck is Lisa?"
"Can't hack it without her?"
"You banish her for singing to Polly...We were trying to help her...We were trying to help her! This place is a fucking fascist torture chamber!"
"No. I worked in state hospitals. This place is a five star hotel."
"Oh lordy pick a bale of cotton!"
"You know, i can take a lot of crazy shit from a lot of crazy people, but you? You are not crazy."
"Then what's wrong with me? What the fuck's going on inside my head? Tell me Doctor Val, what's your diagnonsense?"
"You are a lazy, self indulgent, little girl who is driving herself crazy."
"Is that your medical opinion? Huh? Is that what you've learnt in your studies at night school for negro welfare mothers? I mean, Melvin doesn't have a clue...Wick is a psycho...And you...You pretend you're a doctor. You sign charts and dole out meds, but you's aint no doctor Miss Valerie, You's aint nothing but a black nursemaid."
"Don't make a lot of noise in the morning, i like to sleep late. I'll come down when i'm ready. Give me the valium."
"We don't need your daddy's money."
"Then leave it there. Just give me the fucking valium."
"What's this? What's this huh?"
"Let go!"
"Trying out your new silver?"
"Get the fuck off me!"
"Less appealing for Daddy."
"Look at your own arm asshole."
"I'm sick, Daisy, we know that, but here you are in so-called recovery, playing Betty Crocker, cut up like a goddamned Virginia Ham!"
"Help me understand, Dais, 'cause I thought you didn't do Valium. Tell me how the safety net is working for you...Tell me that you don't take that blade and drag it across your skin and pray for the courage to press down. Tell me how your Daddy...helps you cope with that. Illuminate me."
"My father loves me."
"I bet...with every inch of his manhood."
"I'm going to sleep now. Please be gone in the morning...You're just jealous Lisa...because i got better. Because i was released. Because i have a chance at a life."
"They didn't release you because you're better, Daisy. They just gave up. You call this a life, hmm? Taking daddy's money, buying your dollies and your knick-knacks, and eating his fucking chicken, fattening up like a prize fucking heifer? You changed the scenery, but not the fucking situation, and the warden makes house calls. And everybody knows...everybody knows that he fucks you. But what they don't know, is that you like it. Hmm? You like it. But hey, man, it's cool. It's fine! It's fucking fine! A man is a dick, is a man is a dick, is a chicken. Valium, speculum, whatever, hmm? Whatever. You like being Mrs. Randone. Probably all you've ever known."
"Have fun in Florida."
"I couldn't stand up to her. A decent person would've done something. Shut her up. Gone upstairs...talked to Daisy."
"Melvin said you went upstairs."
"Too late."
"What would you have said to her?"
"I don't know...That i was sorry. That i was sorry. That i'll never know what it was like to be her...but i know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
"When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. Maybe there's a moment growing up, when something peels back. Maybe we look for secrets because we can't believe our minds...Though i missed Lisa, life was easier without her. A thought is a hard thing to control. All i know is that i began to feel again. Crazy? Sane? Whatever i was, i knew there was only one way back to the world."
"Where are you going? I'm talking to you! You don't like me anymore?"
"No i don't!"
"Because you're free? I'm free. You don't know what freedom is! I can breathe! And'll go choke on your average fucking mediocre life! There are too many buttons in the world. Too many buttons and they're just...Just begging to be pressed! You know, they're just begging to be pressed. And it makes me wonder. It makes me fucking wonder...Why doesn't anybody ever press mine? Why am i so neglected? Why doesn't anybody reach in and rip out the truth...And tell me that i'm a fucking whore...and that my parents wish i were dead?"
"Because you're dead already, Lisa! No one cares if you die, Lisa...because you're dead already. Your heart is cold. That's why you keep coming back here. You're not free. You need this place. You need it to feel alive. It's pathetic. I've wasted a year of my life. And maybe everyone out there is a liar. And maybe the whole world is stupid and ignorant. But i'd rather be in it. I'd rather be fucking in it than down here with you."
"Crazy isn't being broken...or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me, amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect but they were my friends, and by the 70's most of them were lives. Some i've seen, some never again. But there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them."

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