Sunday 26th October 2008.
How is it that I have reached a point in my life where the only thing I look forward to is watching an hour of sex in the city each night? I feel that I am never achieving anything...Just passing time. I always feel tired. Nothing is ever really good. Nothing I do is worth it, I feel like I am surrounded by great, great things, talent and expectations. I am completely seperate from these things. I see the talent and I want it. I want to reach the expectations - beat them. I want to embrace the great things. The truth is, I cannot embrace anything. I want intensity, I want to be overwhelmed, I want my feelings and actions and thoughts to be larger than life. But I'm finding that the only thing I can feel is exhausted. I cannot really think at all. My only thoughts are empty. And my actions...My actions? Do I have any? My actions are sparce and meaningless. I drift through everything.